In this 21st century life, everything is moving faster than ever. From the internet to cell phones, it seems like everyone is always in a rush. But people are also beginning to take their time in settling down. They would rather spend more time on education and careers than anything else. This isn't a bad thing by any means - you can focus on making a name for yourself and gaining the proper foundations you need before starting a family. One thing that is striking me as odd is that, with all of this being true, everyone I know is getting married! I sat back one day and really took a good look at the central hub of my social connections - Facebook. My new feed was filled with pictures of my friends from home, statuses about how in love they were and even pictures of their babies. This was nothing new to me, but then I realized something. I'm not even 21 yet and half of the people on my news feed celebrating their marriages, engagements or boasting about how adorable their child is. These people graduated with me!
Determined to find someone NOT basking in the happiness of young wedded bliss, I scrolled down my Facebook page scanning for a sign of single-dom amongst the couples. When I finally did find someone, they were complaining that love could not come to them fast enough. Is this really what entering your twenties is supposed to be about? Marriage and children? I spent most of September working on papers and projects while several of my friends spent it working on wedding plans and nurseries. At first I determined that it was because I'm from a military town and everyone is ready to tie the knot by graduation. However, this spans across to my friends in Maryland as well. What’s going on with the world today?
I decided to ask a few of my friends just why they were married so young. Tara*, one of my closest friends, gave me an interesting response. "We were in love with each other, why wait when we could do it now?" Can you know true love at this age? With the way society is today, love to most is a dreamy concept reserved for sappy silver screen tearjerkers and fairytales. Studies on divorcerate.org even show that couples who marry before the age of 25 have a 36% divorce rate for women and a 38% rate for men. Yet everyone I know is still taking the matrimonial nose dive into life. By the time I had closed my Facebook that day, I had realized that I am one of only 2 of my close friends who is still single. My next question became : Am I in the wrong by waiting?
I came to the conclusion that there really is no right or wrong to this. Everything is a matter of circumstance. People are doing everything at a younger age: getting cell phones, laptops, and even the more "taboo" thing I won't care to mention. Maybe I was missing out on something. My curiosity got me to spend some time with my friends James* and Monica*, who were married in September. When I first arrived, everything seemed wonderful. I would soon find out that the picture perfection did not go much past a social media haven.
I was in the house no more than ten minutes before they started a hushed argument over a bill James had forgotten to pay. He told her he’d take care of it and left the house. A smile graced Monica's lips as she returned to the living room. We chatted for a while as she recounted their honeymoon in Florida and talked to me about nursing school. A few hours later, James returned, but instead of joining us, went straight into the bedroom. That was where he remained until it was time for dinner. I inquired if all was well between them, just out of concern. “Things are okay, just stressful,” Monica responded. “It’s the whole first year thing, still trying to get our finances and whatnot straightened out.” I nodded and changed the subject, not wanting to pry.
After dinner, James was in the living room playing video games while Monica and I did the dishes. There was tension in the house, beyond the level of a forgotten bill. Deciding to take a walk together, the dishes were quickly finished and Monica and I left the house without as much as a nod goodbye from James. Halfway down the block, the tears began to flow. She started to let everything out. James was still going out with his friends every other night instead of spending time with her, he wasn’t budgeting his finances well so that they could pay the rent on their house, he constantly blamed her being in school for why they never see each other when he gets home from work. All this conflict in just two months of marriage! Then Monica uttered what I had been thinking the whole time: maybe they should have waited.
James and Monica are just one example. Another couple I know, Ryan* and Amy*, get along fabulously. They have a great dynamic about them and seem to have everything worked out. Ryan works at night and Amy during the day, so they only get to see each other for a few hours, but they make it work in their favor. They hit a few snags now and again, but always manage to work through it in the end. They even have a bills chart to show what needs to be paid and what's already been taken care of for the month. A system was devised and it works for them. Not all relationships between young married couples turn out the way James and Monica's did. However, they show exactly what could happen and does happen quite often. They were not as financially or emotionally ready to handle the strains of matrimony as they originally thought.
The lesson I took from this ss simple - there is no way to ever truly be ready for marriage. My parents have been married for 24 years and still haven't figured everything out. They still bicker and fuss at each other over little things, much to my entertainment usually. Younger couples in a rush just have a lot more in store for them. I may not be on the "I Do" path just yet, but I'm okay with that. I shouldn't feel rushed just because everyone else is doing it, or because the "end of the world" is coming on December 21st of this year. It may get me down sometimes being the "single friend", especially when the couples try to set me up (disastrous things always happen!), but I just remind myself of this. When the time is right for my matrimonial nose dive, I'll know. And hopefully, I won't be balancing my nuptials between spring break and finals week.
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